Attorney General Defends Arming Mexican Drug Cartels

Attorney General Defends Arming Mexican Drug Cartels
A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 7 May 2011 | John Semmens

Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2011 8:53:39 PM by John Semmens

US Attorney General Eric Holder denied critics’ contention that his Department’s Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (BATFE) scheme of selling military ordinance to Mexican drug cartels was “a stupid idea.” Under the Department’s so-called “Gunwalker” program, surplus military weapons like M-16 and M-4 assault rifles, grenades, and AK-47s captured from foreigners were sold to the cartels by BATFE agents.


“These types of criminals are going to get weapons by hook or by crook,” Holder declared. “If they buy them from us two key objectives are attained. First, the Department earns revenue that can be used for other law enforcement activities.

Second, we have extensive ballistic data on these weapons so that it will be easier to make a case against anyone who commits a murder with one of the guns we sold.”
To help solidify his argument, Holder pointed out that “this program has enabled us to identify that Border Patrol Agent Brian Terry was killed with one of the guns we sold. Now, prosecuting the person who fired the rounds that killed him will be a slam-dunk.”

US Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano rallied to Holder’s defense by reminding that “these weapons are also being used to kill a lot of Mexicans who might otherwise enter the United States illegally. So, his program can also be said to have reduced the volume of undocumented persons crossing the border.”

Holder insisted that the “Gunwalker” program “in no way contradicts the President’s goal of compiling a comprehensive gun registry for this country. These weapons are officially registered as belonging to the drug cartels. While we would prefer to have each weapon logged to a specific individual owner you have to admit that this is a step in the right direction.”

In related news, Holder vowed that “my office will not rest until the NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association) establishes an acceptable football playoff system for determining the national championship. Filling out brackets and watching the games unfold in the NCAA basketball tournament has been a great source of enjoyment for the President and other basketball fans. Football fans deserve the same right.”
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